Birthday Gifts: Power in the Present Moment

Recently we travelled to the Oregon Coast to celebrate my 36th birthday at Neskowin, a long standing favorite beach. It was a deeply nourishing few days spent on soft sands gazing upon the Ocean.

However, I woke on my birthday feeling really sad. Prompted by the reflection that often comes with a birthday, I was filled with stories about what I have created, what I have not created, and the uncertainty and confusion of where I’m really going and how in the world I’ll ever get there.

These are old old stories that create feelings of helplessness over what has or has not been done, and hopelessness over how I will move forward from where I am.

Tears rolled down my cheeks in my husband’s arms. He listened to what little I shared.

But then I remembered to stop traveling the narrative timelines of the past and future and I came to rest in what was true for me in this very moment. I turned to the present and I sat with these stories and the beliefs they hold.

At first glance I felt sad. I felt heavy. I felt like not getting out of bed. I allowed these feelings to be with me.

As I let the sadness be and I embraced it with my attention, the beliefs began to let loose like hot air balloons and the stories began to evaporate until all that remained was the sadness in this moment.

Then I felt the softness of the sheets. I felt the warmth of my husband’s skin. I felt a radiant peace wash over me.

With the sadness no longer tethered by me wondering why this feeling was here or how I was going to do something to relieve it, I felt at ease and my body softened. This feeling stayed for the day.

That moment was a rebirth. An exquisite gift on my birthday that set me free from the burdensome weight of the past and the future so I could fully revel in the simple delights the day held.  

In these wild and uncertain times I am rooting deeply into the Invitation of Now. For it is the only time I truly have agency and choice.

And it tastes like freedom.