When Life Lending a Hand Looks Like Everything Falling Apart
Since May, my life has been unfolding in some surprising and often really challenging ways. It has been apocalyptic in the true sense of the word, which means “to pull back the veil”.
Much truth was revealed, illusion dropping to the wayside, and in that the opportunity to accurately respond to reality in all its colored faces arose. I’ve found that the more I am able to respond to the present moment just as it is, rather than react, the quicker everything begins to unfold.
Paradoxically, this unfolding has looked like things completely falling apart at times.
Spending time in nature gives me many things, but metaphors for my life are one of the most treasured gifts. The forest and rivers we live amidst seem to have an endless supply of examples and frameworks for me to make sense of my own lived experience. A recent walk to the water provided a helpful metaphor.
Our family lives near the confluence of three rivers, but two of these rivers dry up by late summer. We have a tradition in September of taking our kitchen colanders down to the remaining pools of water to catch the stranded minnows in order to release them back into the remaining river.
As we crouched over these shrinking pools, struggling to capture fish in our little colanders, I was struck with empathy for the fish. They were darting about desperately trying to evade our nets without the understanding that we were there to rescue them, not harm them. They were reacting based on their instincts, seemingly unaware that they were trapped in a shrinking pool that would ultimately lead to their demise.
Life has felt a lot like that for me over the past months (or dare I say YEARS), like I was unaware that my reliable world was quickly shrinking. Then Life stepped in with some reckonings meant for my rescue, and I was pushed to acknowledge ugly truths and the loss of illusions I had believed in. I sure felt bewildered and uncertain in the face of this, just like those little fish darting about to avoid our help.
Luckily, we all made our way to our own big river. The capture, or the wake up, were inevitable, and ultimately for the best. What felt like difficult personal trials actually brought me Home to a stream that is vital and full of life.
The miracle is that through remaining present with the discomfort of these personal trials, whole new ways of being and moving forward revealed themselves.
Clarity and ingenuity dawned.
Sometimes life requires a certain amount of pressure to bring about change. Like the force required to crack open a nut, or organic matter eventually being compressed into a diamond. It’s just the nature of life.
The pressure, the “not working-ness”, the discomfort of these events propelled me into a deep search within myself. Not to find WHY this was all happening, but to explore HOW this could redefine what I am doing and how I show up in the world.
Ultimately, it revealed a possibility I didn’t see coming: I’ve been applying to graduate school for a Masters in Counseling!
My coaching practice has been incredibly rewarding work, but I have come to acknowledge that the depth of work I am interested in doing with clients pushes the limits of my current skill set and is reaching beyond the scope that the coaching model is intended to address.
Given this insight, I am now eager to expand my knowledge base, deepen my practical application, develop my theory, and gain further support through academic mentorship.
It’s my cutting edge and I’m leaning in wholeheartedly.
My current practice will remain alive through this transition, eventually converging with licensure as a mental health counselor. It is the beginning of a new and very exciting next chapter!
Thank you for coming along on the ride!
Here’s to being set free, especially when it looks like the end of life as you know it. Sending you all the best.
