Desire, Motivation & Pleasure
For several years I’ve been contemplating the interplay in my life between the forces of desire, motivation and pleasure. What inspires them, how do I utilize them, where do they come from?
As I’ve reflected on my past, I’ve come to acknowledge that a lot of my motivation has stemmed out of a desire to avoid being with what actually is my reality in any given moment. I was operating from a mindset of lack and avoidance. I felt like there was something missing or something better, and then I would feel a desire arise to reach for the something (anything!) that would change the experience I was having. My desire for things to be different and ‘feel better’ would motivate me to have a drink or a fling, binge watch a show, eat all the cookies, or buying a new thing.
Every time I followed this desire there was a burst of pleasure, a sugar sprinkle on top. But, the pleasure was always temporary, and then I would be back to where I started with a desire to avoid the inevitability of my own feelings, relationships, and experiences. Round and round I went following this burning desire to have control and avoid pain by chasing down moments of fleeting pleasure.
Over time, through my own healing process and as my inner resources grew, I began to rely less and less on these crutches to distract myself. Instead I began to sit with the discomfort I felt inside myself. This process eventually led to an inner contentment and a greater felt sense of wholeness. But along with that peacefulness, my hunger for change fell off the map, the fire of my desire dwindled to a flicker, and I was left in this place of having little motivation to do anything of significance.
Were my only options hedonism or a flatline? I wanted to find access to a healthy interplay of desire, motivation and pleasure.
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For a couple of years I've been in this suspended space of not understanding how (or why) to feel motivated to take action or initiate anything while living from a place of contentment.
This summer, however, it dawned on me that I had been looking at it all wrong. I was trying to use the old paradigm of desire preceding pleasure to solve a new maze with a completely different starting point; wholeness rather than lack.
In a moment of insight, the old paradigm was flipped on it’s head and I could see that it is actually pleasure that precedes desire and motivation.
What I’m experiencing now is desire arising out of my appreciation of life’s pleasures. Pleasure for its own sake as a sacred act of reverence for my body, consciousness, worldly delights, and a spectrum of joyful sensations. As I revel and dance in the small pleasures of simply being alive in a body, desire arises out of that celebration. This organically and spontaneously sparks my inspiration and motivation to create.
Joy is like a rainbow, it only exists when the full spectrum of colorful emotions are allowed to be present. For me, acceptance of what is happening in my life and how I feel in any given moment is the birthplace of my ability to enjoy life’s pleasures, which is in turn the kindling for my desire and the spark of my motivation to create positive change in our astounding world.
Personal pleasure, as it turns out, precedes meaningful change.
